Montag, 3. Oktober 2016

Another small update

Has it been already this long since I last posted here? oO And I even had two weeks off from work I could have used to write at least someting. But I failed^^;

Now for some news:
First, I'm not continuing the survey. At least not in the current form. I will collect 1000 question instead of 100. This means there won't be 40 new posts, but only 4 and that does take soem time.

Second, I finally got a new phone after my old one broke. Yes, an old Nokia is NOT indestructable. I should have taken that as a challenge. Would have earned me a lot of EXP. Anyway, it's much easier for me to take pictures now. I don't like running around with a "real" camera.

Third, I am currently into setting up Twitter and Instagram accounts. You can expect them to be opened in the near future. Blogs like these are more or less dying out.

Fourth, for the challenge updates. I failed to lose 15kg in one year. But over 12 isn't also too bad. I doubt that I will ever lose more than 15kg again in the future since I'm not planning on gaining any weight. The last time I have been this "light" must have been in elementary school. Maybe a bit later but I'v always been a bit chubby.
One new challenge has been added to the list and that is to colelct all Pokemon in PKGO. So far, I'm at 23 or 16%. Still a long way to go.

Fifth, sorry for the long pause. Oh, you want to hear what I've been doing during my weeks off? Sure! Well, nothing too fancy. I basically only did one thing and that was attending the Connichi, an anime and manga convention here in Germany with around 25,000 people. I saw a lot of cosplayers (good and bad ones), attended some panels and shows, and of course bought some stuff. Not as much as other people I know, but a bit. The worst part is coming home and realizing it's even more than a year until the next one. Until meeting up with friends, getting yelles at from the angry Chinese guy, being surprised from the mystery bag and many other fun activities. Maybe I'm attending more and other, smaller conventions and meeting until then. And I promise to take pictures. I'm trying!

Until next time o/

Sonntag, 21. August 2016

#152 - Complete a 5000 Question Survey, Part 10


I know, I know. I messed up in posting on a weekly base. But the last three weeks were hell at work. Out of nearly 20 people in the department, sometimes only 3 or 4 were at work. The others either had vacation or called in sick. I even had to come in on a Saturday and the pile on my desk is getting higher and higher. And to make it worse, I somehow managed to slam my left hand between the wall and the window that fell out so I now have these wonderful dark blue and black fingernails. -.- But I can present to you the 10th part of the questionnaire. That means I'm done with 20% of it and it only took me 3-4 months^^; 


901. Would you rather have a candle scented like blueberries and creme or butterscotch pecan pie?
Butterscotch pecan pie.

902. Which ones are fruits and which are vegetables:
Banana: fruit
Cucumber: vegetable
Tomato: vegetable
Apple: vegetable
Carrot: vegetable
Eggplant: vegetable
Cherry: fruit
Pumpkin: vegetable

903. Does it annoy you when people talk loudly on their cell phones in public?
Not really.

904. Is love a commitment to one person, or can you love more than one person at the same time?
There are different kinds of love. Usually it’s a commitment to one person, but there can be also love for your parents for example.

905. Cover or original:
Smooth Criminal; is it better by Michael Jackson or Alien Ant Farm?
Blue Monday better by Orgy or New Order
I Want Candy; Is it better by Aaron Carter or Bow Wow Wow?
Love Song; Is it better by 311 or The Cure?
It's My Life; Is it better by No Doubt or The Talking Heads?
Always the original!

906. What is the most uncomfortable feeling?
Pain, both physical and emotional.

907. Do you like Maroon 5?
Meh.

908. Would you ever go on a blind date TV show?
They wouldn’t take me.

909. How much of your wardrobe is dry clean only?
Not a single piece iirc.

910. Who's arms would you like to crawl into?
Can’t tell you, don’t know.

911. What the hell is your problem?
There are way too many problems.

912. Look around you. What is the most beautiful thing you can see?
My graduation picture. Just not the guy and what he was wearing.

913. What is the most beautiful thing you can't see?
Air. Without air, we’d be fucked.

914. Take a deep breath. Yawn deeply. Do you appreciate the things most people take for granted, like breathing?
See above.

915. Do you appreciate breathing more when you have a cold and you're all congested and can't breathe right?
Definitely!

916. Is congestion a positive thing because it helps you to appreciate breathing?
A weird way to look at it.

917. How is your life like a work of art?
No one understands it.

918. Do you feel that your life influences and is influenced by many other lives?
I influence shit.

919. Has a smile ever made all the difference in the world to you?
Never happened to me.

920. Have you ever looked at a tree and considered how the roots could be miles long, trailing and entwining with other roots underground, all of them holding the soil together?
I’m thinking about roots the moment I trip over them.

921. Do you notice the little things in life?
Sometimes, now more than when I was younger.

922. Do you feel, as Jung did, that deep down, underneath our individual personalities we are all the same?
We all have the same basic needs, so that could be true.

923. Do you feel a great oneness with the universe?
No. How could I fel being one with something so immense?

924. When was the last time you decided to really enjoy yourself?
That is one of my problems, I’m way too afraid of just doing what I want to do.

925. When was the last time you set your self free and acted without caring at all what someone else thought?
Never.

926. Have you ever held someone and appreciated how delicate and fragile all life is and felt that they were even more precious and beautiful because one day they would die..and so will you?
No.

927. In ten years someone else might own your house and the room you are sitting in now. Someone else might be standing right next to where you are sitting now. So that means you could be standing right next to someone but you can't see him or her because they are ten years away. Ever look at life like that?
Yes, I know exactly how life be…fading. Everything comes to an end. Just not the universe, it will most likely expand to the point where all energy from the Big Bang is used up and no more stars will be created while the existing ones slowly die. Then it will a gigantic thing, being cold and motionless for all eternity. Kinda sad, right?

928. When was the last time you:
Soaked in a bubble bath: last week and again in a few hours.
Read a good book outside: I’m rarely reading outside, but that would be Blackout by Elsson.
Held someone's hand: way too long to even remember.
Felt truly joyful: can’t think of that as well.

929. What do you bring to this world that no one else can?
I’m the perfect example for people that are feeling sad and lonely. As soon as they see me, they start thinking “Okay, could be worse.”

930. Do you feel that you are part of every living thing in this world and that all those things are part of you?
Nope.

931. Are you more afraid of death or not completely living?
Not completely living. I said it before, I’ve wasted all my time.

932. What was the last thing you wanted to do but didn't or couldn't do?
There are so many. I’m the master of missed opportunities.

933. Why don't you try and do that thing now?
I’m trying but it’s so hard.

934. What is the most wonderful thing happening right now in the world?
I guess somewhere, someone will fall in love.

935. Name 7 things going on around you that you normally wouldn't notice:
1. Birds flying around.
2. I’m hearing church bells right now.
3. The sound of cars passing by.
4. There’s a lot of dust on my desk.
5. I need a bigger book shelf.
6. The sound of the clock is pretty loud.
7. I have a lot of CDs but not a CD player anymore.

936. Name three things you hate
1. My life.
2. My fears.
3. That I can’t change those.

937. Name one GOOD thing about each of those 3 things you hate.
I’m still alive. Fear prevents you from doing something stupid. Staying the way you are gives you a feeling of security.

938. What do you tend to see in black and white, rather than in shades of gray?
I can see things in different shades, just not those referring to myself.

939. Admit three things you do that you are ashamed of but shouldn't be.
1. Talking about my feelings.
2. Having no smartphone.
3. Staring at clouds and imagining stuff.

940. What qualities make a person “good” in your eyes?
Tough one. They need to care about more than just themselves.

941. Do you have any of these qualities?
I always try to make others feel comfortable.

942. Are you willing to do what it takes to achieve what you want to?
Definitely not. I wish I would be.

943. Name one bad quality about someone you love.
No, I don’t want to anger that person.

944. Name one good quality about someone you hate.
I don’t “hate” people.

945. Are you pro life or pro choice and why?
Pro choice. There are situation where it might be better for the child. God, people must be hating me now.

946. If you are pro life write a reason someone might be pro choice. If you are pro choice write a reason someone might be pro life.
Life is valuable.

947. Can you see the beauty in?
A bumble bee: I can relate to them since according to physic, they shouldn’t be able to fly at all.
A man skating: He has a good balance.
A woman combing her hair: That’s not my kind of beauty.
A box of tissues: Yes, but not what you think. I don’t like having to sneeze in my hand.
Yourself naked: I can’t think of anything more ugly.
Light: The sun is making people happy.

948. What are you most afraid of?
Again? Ending up all alone. Still.

949. Whose life would you REALLY NOT want to ever have?
Most lives are better than mine.

950. Can you come up with a reason why you might want their life?
I can come up with thousands.

951. Name one thing that is beautiful about your body
I still have all my limbs, which is nice.

952. Name one thing that is ugly about your body
My body.

953. Name one thing that is beautiful about your mind
I think I’m kinda nice

954. Name one thing that is ugly about your mind
I think I could be easily turned to the dark side.

955. Who was the last person you were rude to?
Only those who have been rude to me.

956. Are your elbows soft?
No.

957. Are you ticklish?
No.

958. Are you awkward or graceful?
Awkward. The easiest question to answer until now.

959. Do you wear glasses/contacts?
No.

960. If you wear contacts what's the longest you have ever left them in your eyes?
I could never wear contacts. The image of poking myself in the eyes is horrible.

961. What's going on where you are right now?
Nothing, everything is quiet.

962. What is your favorite thing to touch?
My nose. No seriously, I don’t know.

963. What is your favorite kind of incense?
I don’t have one.

964. What relaxes you?
Staring at clouds.

965. How much time have you wasted?
Hmm, I’m 30 now, so 30 years.

966. How do you afford your rock and roll lifestyle?
I don’t live that way. But I do have a job.

967. What does teen spirit smell like?
Sweat.

968. Do you mostly listen or hear?
Listen.

969. Look or see?
Look.

970. Do you comprehend all the things you read?
Mostly, yes.

971. Is it necessary to be repetitive in order to be creative?
Yes. If you don’t know the routine how can you break out of it?

972. Do you control your attitude or does it control you?
Not sure.

973. Are your relationships mostly passion or conversation?
What relationships?

974. Do you do what needs to be done regardless of the consequences?
Mostly yes.

975. Is money how you keep score?
Nope.

976. Who can you do everything or nothing with and still have the best time?
Need to find that person.

977. Just because you're angry does that give you the right to be cruel?
No.

978. What is maturity and where does it come from?
Why are you asking that me?

979. Who is the maturest person you know?
Everyone is more mature than me.

980. Who is the most immature person you know?
I am.

981. If there was a fire and you could only rescue one thing from your room (all people and pets have escaped on their own, even goldfish) what would it be?
The folder with all my documents.

982. If you could, what 3 albums would you force everyone to remove from his or her CD collections?
1 Anything Justin Bieber
2 See 1
3 See 1

983. Does Marilyn Manson scare you or bore you?
I don’t care. But he isn’t that scary.

984. What do you think of the Insane Clown Posse?
I never heard one of their songs, I just saw them back in the WCW.

985. What's the best movie about high school?
American Pie.

986. Do you like Michael Jackson better in the 80's, 90's or today?
80s.

987. Is choosing a different store to shop in from most people really making a statement?
Not really.
988. What's the riskiest thing you've ever done?
Jumping off a cliff.

989. Have you ever ridden in a car while the driver had been drinking?
Can’t remember.

990. Who needs to get a life?
I do.

991. Do write on yourself with milky pens?
No, why should I?

992. What should be different about high school curriculum?
Kids should learn more about everyday life.

993. Right now are you exactly the way you want to be?
No.

994. Who can save you from yourself?
Don’t know. I know I could.

995. Are you a responsible person?
I think so.

996. "It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious."
— Oscar Wilde
Do you agree?
Kind of.

997. How many greatest hits albums do you own?
1.

998. Are you at risk for a.i.d.s.?
Everyone is.

999. Do you want to have it all?
No, not really.

1000. Do you collect green pictures of dead presidents?
No.

Sonntag, 31. Juli 2016

#152 - Complete a 5000 Question Survey, Part 9

Hi there o/

So now I'm officially 30 and nothing special happened. Except that I got asked if I would still feel safe, now that terrorism has reached my area. As shocking as the Munich shooting was, killing sprees have been around for centuries or even longer. It's just that many people are gradually becoming more and more paranoid due to extreme political parties and the medias hunger for terror.
There are now people claiming we would need a less strict gun law so that everybody can defend themselves. I call bullshit! I'm feeling more safe knowing that 99.9% of the others around me are not wearing weapons. We need to put more money and effort into integration and enlightenment. But that's just my opinion...

Anyway, I wanted to go a special place near my home and take some pictures of it but the weather turned out to be a dick. Whenever I have to work, it's way over 30°C and raining on the weekend. Nice... But I have another part of the questionnaire for you, which is something.



801. How often do you change your mood in a day?
On a normal day, at least 2 times. After waking up and leaving to work and then coming back home.

802. When you ask people how they are doing you actually care about their answer or is it just polite?
I do care because I don’t often ask things like this.

803. Would you consider yourself to be very polite?
In general, yes.

804. Do you like movies and books that involve nuclear holocaust?
If they’re well made/written. But I’m not totally into that specific genre.

805. Have you ever had a lucid dream (a dream in which you knew you were dreaming and had complete control over what happened in the dream)?
Every once in a while, I can control them for a bit. I really would love to learn lucid dreaming.

806. Have you ever had a flying dream?
More like falling down dreams.

807. Have you ever had a lucid flying dream?
I can’t think of one.

808. What's the oddest law you ever heard of?
There are plenty of them. But one of the most ridiculous is this one: if the driver of a car is male and over 18 and the girl sitting next to him is under 18 and is bare footed, it is considered rape in one of the US states. Can’t remember which one.

809. What is the ultimate way to connect with another person?
Laughing.

810. Can you be intimate with someone without touching him or her?
Sure you can.

811. Can men and women ever really be 'just friends' with no interest in anything more?
Definitely.

813. Are you addicted to this survey like drugs?
Not at all.

814. If your signifigant other wanted to wait for marriage could you hold out or would you leave them (or would you cheat)?
I could hold out. I said it before, love is more than just sex.

815. What's the longest sentence you can make using only words that start with the same letter as your first name?
Can I use a joker for this one? I realy can’t come up with something.

816. If you had a theme song what would it be?
Loser by Beck.

817. Are you cranky?
Isn’t everyone a bit?

818. Which group generally annoys you more, people older than you, or people younger than you?
Both, but as of now, the older ones in politics are definitely fucking things up-.

819. Do you refer to older people as old farts?
Only if they deserve it.

820. Do you refer to younger people as the kids?
Yes.

821. Which is better: Poems that everyone can relate to or poems that are intensely personal to the author?
The latter.

822. Is it worse to be too hot or too cold?
Too hot. I can handle cold way better than hot.

823. Are you so flexible that you can put your feet behind your head?
Haha, that was a good one!

824. Would you enjoy reading fairy tales written about robots?
Maybe. I’ve never heard of one before.

825. Is smoking a turn on or gross?
More a gross.

826. What is the one way you wouldn't want to die?
Of old age after decades locked in. Scary as hell.

827. Which would look sillier on you: A cowboy hat or a Rasta hat?
Rasta hat. I’m too white for that.

828. Would you rather have a job doing something indoors or outdoors?
Depends on the weather, but my job can mostly only be done indoors.

829. Would you rather learn more about human nutrition or meteorology?
Meteorology.

830. Have you ever taken honors courses?
No.

831. What do you think of crop circles?
Waste of crop.

832. Where do they come from?
People are carefully chopping crops.

833. When was the last time you screwed up big time?
They call me the master of missed opportunities, but I guess I never screwed up that big that the damage couldn’t be repaired, luckily.

834. You have a choice. What do you eat:
A veggie burger, a turkey dog, a cheese sandwich?
Can I get all of those?

835. Do you get a lot of random instant messages?
I rarely get any messages.

836. Do you have a paper journal also?
No.

837. VHS or DVD?
Blu-Ray.

838. Vinyl, cassette tape, or CD?
MP3.

839. Have you ever seen the video/heard the song Days Go By, performed by Dirty Vegas?
No.

840. MTV: should it play morel videos or more shows?
Don’t care, it’s pay tv now.

841. Name a band: Black Sabbath
Do fans of that band tend to share any characteristics with each other?
I think so.

842. What does the expression 'touch and go' mean?
I know that expression from flying. Planes are just touching the ground and taking off again.

843. Caffeine or alcohol?
I don’t drink coffee, so I have to say alcohol.

844. Betty or Veronica?
Archie or Reggie or Jughead?
Who???

845. What book are you reading right now?
Hugh Howey, “Dust”.

846. Is the news too depressing?
Every single day. But they aren’t showing the happy ones.

847. Would you rather have a stuffed lion, elephant, pig or duck?
Duck.

848. Are you late for a very important date?
Never. I hate being late. I’m always the first one to arrive. If I’m supposed to be there at 6pm, I’m there at 5:45 the latest. Everyone else is maybe coming around 7 then.

849. Ever use star 69?
No.

850. Is everyone as smart as you?
Some are smarter, some aren’t.

851. Have you ever seen the musical Annie?
No, I’ve never been to a musical yet.

852. Sheets: silk or satin?
Silk.

853. Bath: soap or bubbles?
Bubbles.

854. Your best color: blue or red?
Black. Or maybe dark blue.

855. What's your favorite candy?
Chocolate?

856. Can you sing?
Nope. Back at school, everyone got at least a D for trying even if they couldn’t sing. To me, our teacher said I should rather hold a presentation for a grade.

857. It's the end of the world, as we know it. How do you feel?
Probably scared.

858. You take your little sister (she's 12) shopping for school clothes. Mom gave you the money to hold. She picks out a skimpy top emblazoned "Hottie" and hip-hugging pants that leave at least two inches of skin north and south of her navel exposed to the wind. She insists: If she doesn't have these clothes, she'll look awful, the other kids will tease her, and she’ll feel like a nerd.
Do you think she should or should not wear these clothes?
No. Not if the only reason for her is that the other kids will tease her. I know that feeling and what it feels like getting bullied but screw that. You have to be true to yourself. Others might be leaving you or change their opinion.

Do you buy them for her?
No.

859. What do you think is the most annoying cliché?
Since I’m German, it I so annoying to hear “All Germans are Nazis.”

860. What band is underground right now but will one day get really popular?
Don’t know any underground bands.

861. Of the following which word best describes you:
versatile (flexible), wonderful, x-tra special, your own best friend, zany:
I’m certainly some kind of special. Maybe not x-tra, but still.

862. What does BYOB stand for?
Bring Your Own Beer. Means no alcohol will be served. Or are you referring to the SoaD song “Bring our own Bomb?”

863. Who is sexiest: Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Elvis, Jim Morrison, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper?
Errr….Elvis?

864. Do you always do what's expected of you?
Most of the time, yes. Since I get paid for that.

865. Do you believe everything you hear on the news?
No.

866. Would you prefer a $100.00 gift certificate to Hot Topic or Abercrombie & Fitch (assuming neither store gives change, so you'll have to spend the whole thing)?
I would accept any, buy the stuff, give it back and have the 100k cash.

867. Have you ever won a competition?
3rd grade math contest of our class.

868. Who looks sloppier when they are over weight, guys or girls?
Depends on how much they’re overweight.

869. At what age do you become all grown up?
I’ll be 30 soon and still wait for that day.

870. Have you ever written graffiti on anything?
Yes.

871. Can you remember what you wrote?
No.

872. Are you a force of nature?
Maybe a small little wave destroying poorly built sand castles.

873. What do you think of blue eye shadow?
It’s blue?

How about gold eye shadow?
It’s gold?

874. Would you ever wear any of the following Halloween costumes:
Flapper, Hippie, Disco dancer?
Probably the Hippie one.

875. Should birth control be taught in high school?
Yes!

How about in jr. high or elementary school?
Junior High, yeah. Elementary school, not really.

876. Would you consider yourself a genius?
No.

877. What did you think of the movie Solaris?
Haven’t seen it.

878. Which is usually better movies or books?
If they’re bad: movies. Since it only lasts for 2 hours.

879. Do you think The Hobbit will be made into a movie?
It’s 2016 now.

880. Do you research which brands use sweatshops to make their clothing before you shop?
No.

881. What gives you a magical feeling?
Thinking about what coincidences had to happen in order to create the universe, a habitable planet, life and finally myself.

882. Have you ever pulled apart a Christmas cracker?
Never.

883. Would you rather watch basketball or play basketball?
I suck so hard at basketball, so I have to say watch it.

884. Do you think that everyone makes his or her own problems?
Only a part of them. Some things just can’t be influenced.

885. Do you often consider how your actions will affect other people?
All the time.

886. Are J-Lo and Ben Afleck interesting to you at all?
Affleck since he’s the new Batman. J-Lo, not that much. I guess this question is pretty old, they split up 14 years ago.

887. Do you use bad grammar or hate bad grammar?
I hate bad grammar.

888. Make up a tabloid headline:
Terror attack <somewhere>. You don’t see anything besides that anymore.

889. Do you like to learn new things?
Of course! You’re never too old to learn new things, it’s true.

890. What's more important, fame or personal accomplishment?
Personal accomplishments.

891. Sweet dreams are made of this....
What are they made of?
Every dream that isn’t a nightmare is a good one. I like to get surprised by dreams.

892. Two trailer park girls go round the outside...
Round the outside of what?
The trailer?

893. Are you wearing a piece of jewelry that means a lot to you right now?
I’m not wearing jewelry at all.

894. If someone was going to inscribe a message on a ring and give it to you what would you want it to say?
“Thanks” That could mean a lot.

895. Guys who are losing their hair:
Should they shave their heads? Get implants? Or let it go?
Whatever they want to do. I have accepted my loss. It’s only hair.

896. Do rock stars work hard or lead the easy life?
Both.

897. How much water do you drink every day?
Way to less. If I can get to 1.5l, that’s a lot for me.

898. Are you driven or kinda apathetic?
Both but of course not at the same time.

899. Who do you turn to when you are down?
I tend to hide myself from the ouside world and hope for it to go away.

900. Would you ever wear seran-wrap?
Why not? Just not outside.

Sonntag, 17. Juli 2016

What's my age again?

Hi o/

I do have to apologize, but I  have to get a bit personal today.

Sadly, there won't be any update about any completed missions this week or a new part of the questionnaire. I'm about to complete another thing tomorrow which I've been thinking the entire week. It is the day before my brthday. Not just any one, I'll be turning 30 tomorrow.

"Come on, it's just a number!", you might be thinking. And yes, you're right. But it still made me rethink my life. Most people, I think at least 2/3 of the people I went to school with are already married and/or have kids. And I constantly get the "When do you want to marry and get kids?". To be honest, it will ost likely never gonna happen. I'd be the worst parent you could ever imagine but seeing how some other parents are treating their children...okay, I might not be the worst, but definitely not the best either.

Where am I now? Not only do I turn 30 tomorrow, it's also been exactly 10 years since I graduated. As far as I know, I 'm the only who didn't complete his studies. Didn't complete as in didn't succeed. Back then, I have been way to young and unprepared. I wanted to flee from that unpleasant youth I had. The further, the better. So I studied in a town 5 hours away from home. I knew no one and soon started to feel all alone. I also didn't get quite along with some of my fellow students and went to university less and less until I stayed in my apartment for the whole time. I didn't want to admit that I failed and went through some more time until I finally received the letter that I've been exmatriculated for not showing up to the exams.

At that point, getting kicked out of university was one a minor problem. I've already reached the state of depression. It wasn't about IF I was gonna commit suicide but HOW. Just like 10 years prior to that. It's like a constantly repeating cycle. After my failed studies, I moved back home and shortly before turning 30, I'm still living with my parents. Not because I'd be too lazy (it is kinda convenient) but I'm afraid that I would feel alone and slowly drifting into depression again. I sometimes think bad thoughts can be the same as what alcohol is to former alcoholics. Once you give into them, you'll fall into an unstable state of mind.

Even though I didn't succed in earning a degree, I'm now having a decent job with enough money to live a worry-free life. But the threat of depression is unknowingly filling out almost my entire day. Because of what I had to deal with almost my entire life, I developed some kind of paranoia. It's gotten better but I sometimes still feel like people on the streets are looking at me and think what a failure I am. I know they don't know me or have met me before, I they know how pathetic I am. I try to not let it get into my mind but I can't stop it completely. That's why I don't get out too often. Most of the time, I spend my time off at home, alone in my room. Fantasizing a better life.

The initial thought of this whole project here was to overcome my fears but I haven't achieved shit. I have to admit, it's getting better day after day but I still am more or less the same old guy. even older tomorrow...

Because of spending most of my time home alone, I don't have to many friends. As I said above, most are already having a family of their own. Whereas I'm sitting here, writing about how much of a failure I am. And that is my biggest fear. Turning 60, 70 or 150 and still be al alone. My family will be long dead then, no firends, nothing. One of our neighbours is living a life like that. He's in his mid-fifties, no wife, no kids, no family. Former alcoholic and since 2 weeks, he's unemployed. He also spends all his time alone in his apartment and it fells like that will be my future.

I don't know how others are making friends. Whenever one of my few friends drags me along to parties, I'm the one standing in the corner, of course alone. I know I'm good-looking enough that others would come and talk to me. It even happened to me on the subway that othes prefer to stand the entire ride then sitting next to me. My group of friends already crumbled to 2 or 3, counting only those within the range of being able to see more often. There are other further away, I hope I have the right ot call friends. But it like Johnny cash sang, "Everyone goes away in the end."

No clue of what lies ahead of me or if anything will change after turning 30. I just know that the fear of ending up all alone won't be getting smaller....


And I have to apologize again for getting this personal and maybe a bit boring. I'll try to make it up and arrive with better and more exciting news next week.

Until then, bye o/

Sonntag, 10. Juli 2016

#152 - Complete a 5000 Question Survey, Part 8


Before we're coming to part 7 of the questionnaire, I want to tell a bit more about the upcoming plans. First, I'm planning to go out more often and visit some places. But since I'm the one who has no kids, I don't know when to take my days off. Well, in fact I still got 8 days left and it seems, I can't take them all in 2016.  Now, the school summer break is coming soon, then I already have two weeks off. Then there's the autumn school break, many national holidays where others are taking their days off and nobody can leave in December. Meh! Anyway, it just means my destinations are all more or less those that can be reached by car within one day. But hey, there are some amazing places I have to visit. My personal highlight will be the "Hermannsdenkmal", the biggest statue in Germany with a height of over 53m. When I'm in Kassel in September, it's only another hour to drive.




I'm planning to achieve more but that has to wait for a bit. More details are coming next week.
Until then, bye o/

701. What is your favorite mixed drink?
Cuba Libre

702. When answering these questions are you often pulled in different directions, as if committing to one answer eliminates the possibility for all others?
Not really. I’m constantly forgetting how I answered the previous questions.

703. Chicken Mesala, Pasta Primavera, Veal Cutlet Parmesan or Linguini with Clam Sauce?
Veal Cutlet Parmesan

704. If you were alone in your friend's house/room/apartment would you look in their drawers and notebooks?
Nah, I’m not that curious.

705. What would you really like to do but you don't because you are afraid of getting caught?
A lot of things.

706. Of the following, which word best describes you:
responsible, spontaneous, tactful, uninhbited:
Tactful.

707. Which band would you most likely check out?
The Smiths (indi-pop 80's-90's)
The Lords of Acid (acid/house/dance 90's)
Front 242 (80's-90's industrial/dance)
I don’t know any of these bands but after looking at the genres, I have to say Front 242.

708. How can one put an end to procrastination, as a bad habit?
A whole lot of concentration.

709. What feature would you want on your car that is not currently offered?
Autopilot, so I can sleep on my way to work.

710. What kind of poetry speaks to you?
Not much into poetry so I don’t know much about it. I like Poe’s “The Raven”.

711. What is your favorite store that is open 24 hours?
There aren’t any stores here that are open 24 hours, not even gas stations.

712. Do you find that sleep is just so much sleepier when you are supposed to be doing something else?
Definitely!

713. Do you also find that the books you chose are so much more luscious when you have a stack of actual assignments that you should be reading?
Yes, but if I absolutely have to do something, I try to get it done as soon as  I can.

714. If you have had the chance to compare the original 5000 Question Survey to this edited version, what is your opinion?
Don’t know the other one. There are more versions?

715. What's the most creative answer you can think of for 'what is black and white and red all over'?
The answer would be “newspaper”, but if I have to be creative, it’s a panda playing with lipstick.

716. Why do people slow down on the highway when they pass a cop car pulling someone else over?
Police is making you automatically more cautious even if you know you’ve done nothing wrong.

717. Are they afraid that the cop will STOP pulling over whoever he is pulling over and pull them over instead?
Yes. Or they just want to know who got pulled over.

718. It's daddy's birthday. What do you get him?
He likes stuff for personal hygiene. Shower gel, cologne, soap – stuff like that.

719. What's your 5,000 question survey nickname?
Look at the word next to the 2nd letter of your first name
A anything but
B bubalicious
C captivating
D deadly
E erotic
F funky
G greasy
H heaps of
I indie
J jelly
K kinetic
L lasher
M Mr. (or Mrs.)
N neglected
O ogre-like
P parading
Q quacking
R Rico
S stinky
T the one and only
U uber
V Velcro
W wishing for
X x-tra
Y yearning for
Z zoobalee

Now take the first letter of your last name.
A aardvarks
B baboo
C creme pie
D drag queen
E eggbert
F flex
G god
H hell
I Isabelle
J juice
K kisses

L lightning
M mannish boys
N nice
O octopi
P porcupines
Q q-bert
R rainbows
S suave
T tushy
U underwear
V valor
W weenie
X xtc
Y yohimbe
Z zipper

Put the two words together for your nickname.
Erotic rainbows. Yeah…

720. You know that shaky feeling that you get when it's all coming to a climax, and everyone involved is breaking into the good kind of cold sweat, working as individuals and at the same time as a single force of energy, and it all meshes together, and for a brief moment, you're holding your breath and tingling all over, and after it's done you're on an explosive and dizzying high for the rest of the night?
What does that feeling come from?
Evolution. In order to make sure humanity will survive, the actual process of ensuring that there will be new generations is made to be enjoyable.

721. How many of your teachers can you imagine drinking or doing drugs on the weekends?
Many of my former teachers already died but I know quite a lot who enjoyed a good beer. Drugs, not so much. Maybe in their youth during the 60s. But I know some people I went to school with who are now teachers. Let’s just say, I know some secrets.

722. Do you like Alice in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass?
Not that much.

723. Write a question and answer it here.
Why? Because!

724. Who is your favorite playwright?
If only I knew at least a single name.

725. What movie has come out recently that you couldn’t have less interest in?
The Jungle Book remake.

726. What would the worst movie ever be about?
There is a 10 hour long movie about paint drying on a wall.

727. Do you like truffles?
Never tasted them. I’ve never done a lot of things, it sems.

Do you like Turkish delight?
Never tried that as well.

728. Can you tell the difference between a transvestite and a real woman?
Most of the times, I’d be surprised if someone can be fooled.

729. What's funnier, plants or fire extinguishers?
Neither is funny by itself.

730. For question 720 did you write down sex?
No, but I thought it would be about that.

You pervert, I was thinking of musical theater.
I know, I know.

731. Which is better, leopard print or plaid?
Plaid.

732. What would you consider ordinary?
Breathing.

733. What is out of the ordinary?
Holding your breath for an extended amount of time.

734. Do you ever watch COPS?
No.

735. Is there always room for j - e - l - l - o?
For some, there might be.

736. If you had your own TV show, what kind of show would you make it?
Me going on random quests to gain EXP..

737. Do you know how heavy things like airplanes stay in the air?
If the air is passing by faster on the upper side of the wings, the pressure there is lower than on the lower side and it is pushing it up. For that to happen, a certain speed is required. But to answer the question: yes.

738. When do you act the most dramatic?
It happens when my “evil side” is taking over.

739. Are you one of those people who have, "see photo id,” written on the back of their credit cards?
I don’t have a credit card.

740. It's mom’s birthday. What do you get her?
Flowers.

741. What celebrity has pretty much disappeared leaving you wondering 'where are they now'?
Way to many.

742. Would you get angry if you and your girl/boyfriend saw the preview for a movie and talked about seeing it together and then they saw it with one of their friends while you were busy?
Not really. But the best will be watching it again with you.

743. How many people do you think will finish this whooooooole survey?
42?

744. Have you ever written a message, sealed it in a bottle and thrown it into a river/lake ocean?
No, but it’s on my list.

745. If you haven't would you want to?
Definitely.

746. If you ever did what would you write?
Just let yourself be surprised the next NaNoWriMo, where I will fail gloriously again.

747. What do you wish you could always be protected from?
Diseases.

748. What small thing annoys you so much it should be a crime?
Toothpicks.

749. Would you rather watch a video of fish in a tank, or the Yule log on TV?
Fish in a tank.

750. Is it better to be loved or feared?
Loved.

751. What causes you to panic?
That fear of ending up all alone.

752. Do you believe that you have a strong personality?
No, not at all.

753. When Jesus saves souls...does he trade them in for valuable prizes?
The Jesus I’ve been told of doesn’t seem to do such things.

754. What resolutions would you make if it were new years?
Live a better life.

755. Why wait?
Because I’m a lazy, cowardly piece of shit.

756. Do you feel like time is on your side or working against you?
Definitely against me.

757. What do you do for yourself when you are down to put a little joy back into your life?
Escaping reality by reading a book or watching a movie.

758. How much Tolkien have you read?
4.

759. These are the songs on the radio. Which are you most likely to listen to:
Time Bomb by Rancid
Dead Man's party by Oingo Boingo
The Sun Always Shines on TV by A-ha
50 Ways to leave Your Lover by Paul Simon
Run by collective Soul

Ugh, I have a weird feeling about that Oingo Boingo one…

760. Do you believe that Jesus existed as a real person?
There could have been a man named Jesus two thousand years ago. The question is whether he really had the power to walk over water, transform water into wine or cure the sick. Then, I highly doubt it.

761. Do you believe he was the son of god?
See above.

762. How do you feel about organized religion?
I can completely understand the concept of a higher being which is always there for you if you need help. But it can lead to some serious problems. Anyone can elieve in anything he wants, s long as he tolerates and respects others that don’t.

763. What sentence have you heard lately, that would sound pretty odd out of context?
It was too offensive to quote it here, but definitely hilarious!

763. If you had to choose one image to be a symbol of our times, what would you pick?
The Omega.

764. Name a group of people:
Paul. I name that group Paul.

765. How many of them does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1, it’s not that hard.

766. Do you like the movie The Labyrinth with David Bowie and some muppets?
Who doesn’t?

767. Do you like the movie The Dark Crystal?
Haven’t seen that one.

768. Metallica or Guns N' Roses?
Metallica.

769. Do you follow the Chinese zodiac?
No, but I know I’m a Yang Fire tiger.

770. Do you like reggae music?
Not every song but I like reggae.

771. What makes your life worth it every day?
The hope that it might get better.

772. Do you seize each day and sink your teeth into it?
No. I just wake up, do my stuff and go back to sleep. Maybe some food is involved in there somewhere.

773. I’ve heard people say that Jim Morrison never yawned because he was just so full of life. How often do you yawn?
Several times a day.

774. Who decides what behavior is 'crazy' or 'sane'?
I do. It’s a matter of perspective.

775. Who are the most inspiring artists, musicians, poets, and writers?
I hardly got inspired by anyone ever.

776. Did anything historically significant happen in the year you were born?
Tchernobyl. No, really!

777. Besides blowing out birthday candles when do you make wishes?
Never. They’ll never come true anyway.

778. Are you self-sufficient?
Not at all.

779. Is it better to be wanted or needed?
Wanted.

780. What do you feel is an appropriate age to lose one’s virginity at?
It’s a different age for every person.

781. Do you feel that the appropriate age for girls and for boys is different?
As I said, depends on the person, not on the gender.

782. Are you a hard person to get to know?
Yes.

783. What is the craziest thing you have ever done out of anger?
Slamming the door as a kid.

784. What's the MOST annoying sound you can think of?
People chewing with their mouths open.

785. What's the silliest vegetable you can think of?
Watermelon. I honestly don’t know how a vegetable could be silly.

786. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Most of the time I don’t even believe in love at all.

787. Name one thing you have referred to in the past as “better than sex”:
Probably football.

788. What do you see when you turn out the light?
The light is out, it’s bright day outside.

789. Do you like jazz, blues and/or swing music?
No, the jazz type of guy.

790. Do you prefer gold or silver jewelry?
Silver.

791. In what ways do you want your children to be like you?
I don’t want children. I want to protect them from becoming like me.

792. In what ways would you want your children to be different from you?
Same as above.

793. What was the scariest movie you've ever seen?
Saw 1. Way back then.

794. What was the funniest movie you've ever seen?
Shoe of Manitu. Was hilarious the first time, now after 20 times not so much. Bit still good for a laugh.

795. What was the worst movie you've ever seen?
I had to go to the cinema with my cousin because one of his friends made his own movies. It’s been terrible.

796. Are you a good massage-giver?
Never gave a massage to anyone.

797. What is one question that no one can ever truthfully answer 'yes' to?
Are you dead?

798. Is there more to this world than human beings can perceive?
Things science can’t explain yet? Sure. I do believe in the bubbleverse theory.

799. If matter is neither created nor destroyed then is it possible that you are made up of molecules that once made up Ghandi or Jesus or Einstein?
Could be, but matter CAN be destroyed. Just ask your local black hole. What can’t be destroyed is information. And scientists aren’t too sure about that either.

800. Are you often sarcastic?
Oh, I could NEVER be sarcastic!

Sonntag, 3. Juli 2016

Status update

Hi all,

I just posted Pt. 7 of the 5,000 question thingy and realized it has been again over 2 months for me to post something. But I have to say I was really busy. A bit lazy of course like usual, but mostly busy. I started this new job in April and a few afterwards, people started to leave so I got new some new tasks added to the ones I already had. In May, the company decided to set up a new and a functioning ERP software. Guess who's the only one who knows how to do these stuff? Right, me. Then this week all the printers got replaced and of course I had to install the new drivers by myself on every of the 50 PCs -.-

Because of all this trouble, I had almost no chance to work on other missions out of my Bucket List. Except for some, I haven't even planned to do sinceI thought it would be impossible for me to achieve. Like the losing 15kg in a single year. Maybe because of all this stress lately and the lack of lunch therefore, I dropped down to exactly 82.2kg this morning. That means, I lost 10.8kg since the middle of last September. If  can lose another 4.8 kg, I suceeded in what I thought would be the most impossible thing on my list. With those additional 10kg, I've lost pretty much exactly 30kg over the last 4 years.

30kg in 4 years! To me, that's just unreal. That's 7.5kg a year or 625g every month or ~21g every single day. That also means, I need to get to 81kg to reach the magical BMI of 25. I never thought, I'd reach the zone of "not being overly fat" ever again. Feeling sort of happy right now and now I'm more than motivated to go even further and finish what I unknowingly started! \o/

Today's lesson: even the impossible can be achieved. Sometimes you just don't pay attention to it.

Until next time o/

#152 - Complete a 5000 Question Survey, Part 7

And for Part 7:



601. Do you have a lust for life?
More than I had years ago.

602. Do you want to get more out of life?
Definitely.

603. Would you want to learn to:
Convert to Buddhism? Not really. But I like the idea of it.
Cure a hangover? YES!
Lie persuasively? Who’s saying I can’t already?

604. What character from a movie is most like you?
Walter Mitty as he was before he went on an adventure.

605. Are you comfortable with the idea of your own death?
Everybody will die eventually.

606. How do you feel about arranged marriages?
Not a very appealing concept.

607. What do you hate that everyone else seems to like?
Toothpicks.

608. What do you like that others seem to hate?
Accounting. Most people seem to have no fun doing it.

609. If you had to be named after a month, which month would you pick?
August.

610. Is time more like a highway or a meadow to you?
Depends on the situation, but more like a highway.

611. What is your favorite movie?
I honestly can’t choose a single one above all the others I like.

612. Which would you choose to be back in the day: a warrior, an alchemist, a minstrel, a bard, an oracle, a peasant, or a merchant?
Merchant.

613. What is your favorite song lyric?
Look up “Suicide is painless” and read the backstory. Try not to cry.

614. What will you never run out of?
Stupid ideas.

615. If you could force someone to fall madly in love with you, (anyone you choose) would you do it?
There’d no other way for me.

616. Have you ever seen the Disney movie The Black Cauldron?
No.

617. Have you ever read The Black Cauldron by Alexander Lloyd (or any of his other books in the Prydain Chronicles)?
No.

618. Have you ever written a paper the night before it was due?
Yes.

How about the day it was due?
Yes.

619. Is there a movie you have watched so many times that you can quote it line for line?
No, not completely.

620. What is your favorite season?
Spring.

621. Do you mind being described as cute?
I wouldn’t mind but I doubt I will ever get calle cute.

622. What is the tackiest object in your home?
An old Chinese LED panel my old company wanted to throw away. The remote is so used, you can’t read the buttons anymore. And there’s no manual, so it’s like a surprise every time you use it.

623. What do you think people are most ignorant towards?
The misery around them.

624. What is it that makes you an interesting person?
I’m full of mysteries.

625. What makes other people interesting to you?
The same as the previous question. I like it when people are kinda mysterious.

626. How open to suggestion are you?
Not so open, I think.

627. Is Michael Jackson black or white?
He was black then became white.

628. Are you often lonely?
Yes.

629. What’s the most unusual pet you’ve ever had?
Never had a pet.

630. Have you ever threatened an authority figure?
No. I think I never will, I’m too nice for that.

631. If you had to choose would you rather make all your decisions henceforth with your head only or with your heart only?
Head.

632. How imaginative are you?
A lot.

633. Do you like the Counting Crows?
I only know one song and I don’t like that one very much.

634. If you took this survey from the diary (5000 Q Survey V2.0) did you note me so I could read it?
No.

635. Are you more tense or laid back?
Depends, but typically more tense.

636. Does your happiness depend on anyone else, or are you happy no matter what anyone says or does?
It depends on others. I want people to like even though I don’t like them.

637. What do you think of the idea of putting the bible into the format of a fashion magazine to attract the interest of teenagers?
Not a big fan of religion in general.

638. How often do you drink to get drunk?
Haven’t been really drunk for quite a while now. I’m only drinking (heavily) maybe once a year for class reunion.

639. Would you consider yourself to be diplomatic?
Yes.

640. Do you think that most of the classes you have taken were taught in such a way as to make plain the relevance of the subject matter in your everyday life?
No.

641. Do you remember Crystal Pepsi?
No.

642. When was the last time you spent a night away from home?
Last September.

643. Some people say that there is no such thing as a stupid question. Is that true?
No. There are stupid questions.

644. What is the most interesting TV channel?
Sport1.

645. Name one song you could live without hearing ever again:
Jungle Drum.

646. Do your pets understand you when you talk?
Again, I don’t have pets.

647. What are three things you HAVE NOT done that might surprise people?
I never played spin the bottle. I never went out for a walk alone. I never played GTA.

648. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Never.

649. Have you been to a museum this year?
Not this year.

650. Do you ever watch porn?
Seriously, name me one person that has never seen at least one porn movie?

651. Do you think that it would be a good idea if people served in the army, navy or air force for a while before they were allowed to vote?
No.

652. If you were required to do this to vote, would you?
No.

653. Do people often give you weird looks?
Yes.

654. Do like Japanese cooking?
Yes.

655. Do you care for stray animals?
No. there aren’t many stray animals around here. I think I’ve never seen a single one.

656. Which animated movies have you seen and what did you think of them:

A Charlie Brown Christmas
Not seen.

A Garfield Halloween
Not seen.

The Secret of Nimh
Seen, but can’t remember much. I only know that I was very scared of it.

The Last Unicorn
Seen, but can’t remember anything besides it was very sad.

The original Lord of the Rings cartoons
Not seen.

657. Are you ambidextrous (equally good at using both hands)?
No.

658. Do you always say; “bless you” after someone sneezes, or do you hesitate?
Mostly saying it.

659. If you and your friends could go away for 2 days over Halloween weekend where would you go?
One of the Dungeon themed parks.

660. Which of these animated movies have you seen and what did you think of them:

Watership Down: not seen
As the Wind Blows: not seen
Grave of the Fireflies: not seen
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: I’m the Grinch!
Spirited Away: Was very weird the first I saw it.

661. Do you feel that society is male dominated, female dominated, or neutral?
Money dominated.

662. What words offend you?
You can insult me any way you want, you can’t offend me personally.

663. They’re just words. Can you get over it?
I can now.

664. Have you ever looked into different religions?
Yes, I grew up in both Christianity and Islam. My family can be very religious and with being the only German in our football team, I learned very much about the Islam.

665. Which ones have you looked into?
The ones stated above.

666. What do you think of Satanism as a religion?
If that’s the deity you want to worship, go ahead.

667. Do you like it better when your classes are taught sitting in rows or sitting in a circle?
Rows. It’s easier to sleep like that.

668. Have you ever read your own tarot cards?
Never.

669. Which ones do you like better, the old star wars movies or the new ones?
I think the old ones were slightly better. Maybe the new new ones will be just as good.

670. If you scream in outer space does it make a sound?
No. Maybe there have been some new discoveries but as I know, sound is a wave that’s making particles swing. If there are no particles an empty space, then there can’t be any sound.

671. If you saw The Queen of the Damned did you want to be a vampire/Goth afterwards?
I haven’t seen it. But vampires suffered a serious image loss after they started sparkling.

672. If you saw SLC Punk did you want to be punk afterwards?
Haven’t seen that either.

673. What is your favorite zombie movie?
Shaun of the Dead.

674. Best kids birthday party: ceramics, chuck-e-cheese, roller rink, bowling, sleep over, movie theater
For me, movie theater.

675. What were your parties like when you were a kid?
Basically the same as ours.

676. Best teen (about 15-16) birthday party: ceramics, chuck-e-cheese, roller rink, bowling, sleep over, movie theater, house party, catered in a hall, restaurant, family trip, concert
Still either movie theater or house party.

677. What are/were your 15-16 year old parties like?
Music, drinking, games.

678. Best 18th birthday party: ceramics, chuck-e-cheese, roller rink, bowling, sleep over, movie theater, house party, catered in a hall, restaurant, family trip, concert, club, pool hall, college party
Again, movie theater, house or college party.

679. If you are 18 what was your party like?
I turned 18 on a school trip to Berlin. Wasn’t that much of a party since we had to get up the day afterwards and other hotel guests would have been disturbed.

680. Best 21st birthday party: ceramics, chuck-e-cheese, roller rink, bowling, sleep over, movie theater, house party, catered in a hall, restaurant, family trip, concert, club, pool hall, college party, bar, Atlantic city/Las Vegas trip
Again a birthday party question? Simple bar/house/college party.

681. If you saw The Craft were you interested in wicca/paganism/magic afterwards?
Haven’t seen it. I haven’t seen a lot of those movies named here. Surprising.

682. What are your top 3 priorities?
Breathing, drinking, eating.

683. If you saw fight club did you want to get into a fistfight afterwards?
That one I have seen. But I never wanted to get into a fight. Why would I?

684. What is your favorite smell?
Vanilla?

685. Give everything below a humor rating (1 = laugh your ass off, 2 = lol, 3 = smile, 4 = lame, 5 = not funny, 6 = offensive):

People falling: 3
Rape jokes: 4
Sarcastic comments: 1
Blonde jokes: 3
Dirty jokes: 2
God/religion jokes: 4
Long-ass jokes: 3
Death jokes: 3
Pain/sickness jokes: 3
Animals doing cute stuff: 2
Bodily functions: 3
Knock jokes: 3
Ethnic jokes: 4
Puns: 2
Ironic situations: 2

685. If you saw Cruel Intentions did you want to have lots of meaningless sex afterwards?
No.

686. Do you get at least three hugs per day?
No way.

687. What should someone never say to you/call you if they want to remain on your good side?
It’s rather actions, not words.

688. If you saw Trainspotting did you want to do drugs afterwards?
Never did drugs, never wanted to.

689. Do movies have a great influence on you?
Sometimes.

690. Do you have a favorite reality TV show?
Changing a lot. Currently, I’m enjoying The Blacklist quite a lot.

691. Are there certain roles that people are pressured to play in society or can they basically do whatever they want?
Yes, there are roles you must play.

692. How does the 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake compare to the original movie?
It’s effects were better.

693. Have you ever held a magnifying glass over an insect to burn it?
No.

694. Have you ever pulled the wings off a fly, butterfly or any other insect?
No.

695. What would you think of a guy (if you're into guys) or a girl (if you're into girls) who wanted to take you to the park to feed the birds and look at the turtles and fish in the water on a date?
If that’s what she wants to do, sure.

696. Do you use public pools?
I don’t like swimming. Or rather to be seen in public wearing swimming gear.

697. Do you use public bathrooms?
I try to avoid it.

698. Do you use public showers?
Same as above.

699. How old will you be in 17 years?
46.

700. Would it effect you at all if you knew that a very large meteor was headed towards earth that would impact in 17 years?
I’d first say “Fuck!”, then believe in scientists to come up with something. 17 years is a long time.